In the interest of each of us improving our own self, let’s consider these words from American Theologian Albert Barnes…
“Is my telling you the truth in regard to the tendency of the doctrines which you have embraced, and the character of those who have led you astray, and your own error, a proof that I have ceased to be your friend?
How apt are we to feel that the man who tells us of our faults is our enemy! How apt are we to treat him coldly, and to “cut his acquaintance,” and to regard him with dislike! The reason is, he gives us pain; and we cannot have pain given to us, even by the stone against which we stumble, or by any of the brute creation, without momentary indignation, or regarding them for a time as our enemies.
Besides, we do not like to have another person acquainted with our faults and our follies; and we naturally avoid the society of those who are thus acquainted with us. Such is human nature; and it requires no little grace for us to overcome this and to regard the man who tells us of our faults, or the faults of our families, as our friend.
We love to be flattered, and to have our friends flattered; and we shrink with pain from any exposure, or any necessity for repentance. Hence, we become alienated from him who is faithful in reproving us for our faults.
Hence, people become offended with their ministers when they reprove them for their sins. Hence, they become offended at the truth. Hence, they resist the influences of the Holy Spirit, whose office it is to bring the truth to the heart, and to reprove men for their sins.
There is nothing more difficult than to regard with steady and unwavering affection the man who faithfully tells us the truth at all times, when that truth is painful. Yet he is our best friend.
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful,” Proverbs 27:6.
If I am in danger of falling down a precipice, he shows to me the purest friendship who tells me of it; if I am in danger of breathing the air of the pestilence, and it can be avoided, he shows to me pure kindness who tells me of it.
So still more, if I am indulging in a course of conduct that may ruin me, or cherishing error that may endanger my salvation, he shows me the purest friendship who is most faithful in warning me.“— Albert Barnes, 1798-1870
Some pretty strong questions flow from this essay. Let’s each apply them to our own self:
- Am I willing to admit I have done wrong…when I have in fact done wrong and someone confronts me about it?
- Am I willing to repent of my misbehavior towards others…and to stop my misbehavior…when someone calls me out for it?
- Am I willing to apologize for my misconduct when it has been brought out into the open…or do I just build resentment and dislike towards others for bringing my misconduct out into the open?
- When things are not going the way I want them to go in relation to other people, and someone lovingly, openly, and honestly tells me that the problem is largely due to some attitude or behavior on my part, do I receive that truth or do I just get angry with them and loudly, angrily cut them off…refusing to accept any personal responsibility…and choosing instead to only blame and condemn others?
- Do I sometimes behave as an unjust, undeveloped, or unattractive person…and then condemn and negatively-judge anyone who stands against my unjust, undeveloped, or unattractive behavior.
- When someone attempts to tell me about misbehavior of one of my family members…and it is clear they are doing so for positive and good-intentioned reasons…how do I respond to the charges…and how do behave towards that person afterwards?
- When some problem or issue arises that stems from some attitude or behavior on my part or on the part of some family member…and that problem is brought out into the open to be addressed…how do I respond to that? What do I address, if anything? What do I change, if anything?
- Would I rather have people around me who go along with, support, enable, or excuse my unjust, undeveloped, unattractive, or inappropriate behaviors than have people around me who challenge me to be and do better?
- When a fault, shortcoming, or misconduct of mine is exposed, do I determine to change myself for the better? Do I withdraw in depression? Do form a clique of people who will support my faults, shortcomings, or misconduct? Do I build resentment, animosity, and coldness towards the person(s) who exposed me?
As I consider these questions and apply them to my own self, what is the real truth?
No one is going to force me to be righteous, blameless, and faultless relative to other people. I am each free to hold sin within myself towards other people.
If I choose to, I can go through my entire life with issues between me and other people…but if there are legitimate issues between me and other people that is due to misconduct on MY part, then the Bible makes it clear that are there ARE issues between me and God…issues that WILL block me out of Heaven.
With regard to my attitude, conduct, behavior, and actions…if I refuse to be honest with myself and towards other people, then the Bible lets me know that come Judgment Day, I WILL find that my entrance into Heaven has been refused.
If I lack integrity and righteousness in my interactions and dealings with other people…then the Bible lets me know there IS a problem between me and God.
So, in the interest of making Heaven my eternal home…in the interest of making sure I am right with God when that unknown time comes for me to leave this world and to step into eternity:
- What do I need to repent of?
- What do I need to change within myself?
- What do I need to begin doing differently?
- Who do I need to apologize to?
- Who do I need to go to and ask for forgiveness?